Letting Go of Strings…

“…if you cannot hear the sound of the genuine in you, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.”  

These words, written by Howard Thurman, stopped me in my tracks recently and were the catalyst for beginning to embrace daunting personal work that I now know is mine to do.  For the last five years I have put off this work, telling myself that the needs and interests of others close to me must be my priority.  I have few regrets for prioritizing, but urgent work now awaits ahead of me.

As I step into this journey, I am listening above all for the sound of the genuine within myself.  Thurman’s words arrest me.  They awaken within me a deep longing to find what is true for me out of my experience and the situation in which I currently find myself.  This is the work of personal discernment, that process upon which we embark when we have a passion to make sense of our lives and the ‘stuff’ that is part of our story.  Holy careful listening can help to discern the genuine from the noisy cacophony of voices clamoring for our attention.

But searching for the sound of the genuine…,whatever does that really mean?  In Thurman’s writings I have not found quick easy answers for this question.  This Black theologian and mystic from the 20th century with his characteristically slow, deep-voiced delivery invited his hearers and readers into a contemplative, reflective journey into the interior soul, a journey that could not be separated from the outward expression that engages the complex problems and oppressions of society.  Thurman’s profound calling of God beckons journeying courageously in both directions.

Thurman’s words nudge me to ask, “do I hear the sound of the genuine within me?  What is that genuine voice saying?”   And if I hear it and do not follow it, I am no better than a wooden marionette dangling from strings pulled by someone else.  In that haunting image I feel myself perpetually dangling from strings and agonizing, “am I powerless to break free?”  What would it mean to let go of those strings?  Who is pulling the strings from which I dangle?”  

Part of what is becoming genuine truth for me is the realization that in my life the Church has been pulling strings that dangle me at the ends of its theologies, some of which are frankly oppressive. In spite of all of the devastating beauty that keeps me tied to it, the Church also embodies, tolerates, and uses theologies that give power to patriarchy, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and white supremacy, among others.  All these evils affect me in one way or another and have become internalized as a sense of my own superiority (racial, sexual orientation) or inferiority (gender).  By my active presence and leadership in a church that refuses to vigorously denounce and dismantle them, I am complicit.  I dangle and am pulled and twisted by these strings that connect me to the resultant oppression, fear, control, and shame around and within me.  And as I ignore the sound of the genuine within me, I surely become the puller of strings for others.

What will it feel like to let go of the strings?  To hear the sound of the genuine and follow it freely and joyfully? What does it look like for a human soul to fly free of the strings that cause dominating oppressive control? Is it possible to live a life of freedom by speaking and acting according to the genuine divine Spirit within?  To speak truth with courage and without fear of the reactions and actions of those threatened or offended by that truth?  To dream with moral imagination a new world into being?

As I break free, will I clatter to the floor like some collection of wooden pieces?  Or will God’s Spirit breathe powerful life into me as I rise to follow the sound of the genuine voice within?

Seeking to let go of the strings that tie me to what is not genuine and not liberating is my hope for this space.  I long to let go of what prevents me from hearing the sound of the genuine within me and speaking that truth. My hope is that it will be a space of mutual respect and hospitality for the truth that emerges when each of us hears the “sound of the genuine” and follows it. 

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” (Howard Thurman)

 “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17)